Why IS this Night Different? (A repost from Seders Past)
Posted on March 25, 2013 by Dr. Deah
Passover is one of the many Jewish Holidays that is celebrated with a ritual feast. A feast filled with symbolic foods and a prescribed schedule for when to eat which foods. Depending upon how observant the participants are, there is a wide range of recipes for the ritual readings at a Passover Seder. Some read from ancient texts, others from more progressive versions. Some are tailored for passionate political discussion, others for children with short attention spans. Despite the diversity of the Seder itself, there are at least three specific commonalities adhered to by the most liberal and orthodox Jewish celebrants.- There is no leavening used in any of the meals
- There are at least four cups of wine
- When it is time to eat, there are no restrictions on how much you can eat.
“Imagine how fat we would all be if we didn’t diet?”And of course I believed her and followed suit. Many young girls that diet wind up becoming sneak eaters and I was no different. Because we are forced to satisfy our hunger and cravings privately, we develop the notion that we are beasts with insatiable appetites. Our appetite for food is freakish and our need to satiate this hunger is so strong, we must adopt furtive methods of feeding that monster. It is a double bind. We feel weak in our inability to resist the urges to eat the “bad” food and yet the part of us that is demanding the food is a formidable foe of great strength and power. We are split and fractured around food. The Problem in a Nutshell
Passover and other food centric holidays present a double bind for people already struggling with feelings about how and what they eat, how and what they don’t eat, how and what they would like to eat if they were allowed to eat, and how and what they wished they had eaten when they had the chance.I KNOW YOU HAVE TO READ THAT SENTENCE AGAIN…BUT TRUST ME IT MAKES SENSE! The Double Bind of Passover: A Two Act Play Act I: The week before The Seder, we obsessed over what to wear in order to prepare for the unsanctioned but equally predictable ritual of Passover… The Body Scan: everyone checking you out to see how you “measured up” to the last time you were all together. In my family, despite the fact that very few of us were thin, there was still a hierarchy within the ranks that clearly labeled the “Always Thins” relatives as the better ones. Praise and attention were lavished on them like buttuh on the matzoh. The jealousy dripped like honey in a nice cup of tea. Then there were the “Always Fats.” They were already “fats de complis.” They would always be fat and that was that, “those poor people.” “Newly Thins” were the ones I envied the most. The attention they received, the fawning, the exclamations of, “How did you do it? You look amazing!” They were the stars of the night. Somehow they had conquered the beast, they had become successful. The “Fat Agains” were conversely, the lowest caste of the crew. Also known as the “YO YO’s,” these were the mishpucha (family) who had lost but gained their weight back plus more. The “tsks tsks” and “cluck clucks” of the tongues, the subtle shakes of the heads, the implied message of, “If I had lost that weight I would have kept it off,”… or more blatantly, “I knew she or he couldn’t do it.” They were the ones my heart ached for and the club I dreaded ever joining. (Of course I was in and out of that club numerous times, and sadly it wasn’t until years later that I realized it was the dieting that actually created and perpetuated the problem).





When serious work is done for disordered eating, Passover or any other food related holiday does not hold power. Despite protests from the cook to “eat, eat” one who trusts her body (and consequently herself) eats what & when she wants. So a favorite dish is generally not unlimited if one really listens to body signals. On the other hand, eating a fair bit of a food IF ONE WANTS is also OK. People are not watching as much as some fantasize and holiday table discussions should not centre around dieting. The holiday doesn’t give permission–we give ourselves permission so that we have the power, not the food, not the cook and certainly not Passover. Work on compulsive eating and body image is not easy but tends to be permanent. I was a therapist in this field for 25 years and am saddened to see that dieting is still seen as an option.
I agree. It is ludicrous for so many reasons that despite the abundance of data proving that diets don’t work that it is still the most popular paradigm. It is, however, refreshing to see the Health at Every Size approach gaining some well deserved traction! Thanks so much for your comment! Warmly,
Dr. Deah