Posted on November 20, 2011 by Dr. DeahGuilt Loss Program. One of the comments I hear frequently in my work is some version of:
“I really want to embrace the Health at Every Size™ point of view. In fact I do embrace it. I live it, I breathe it, and I believe in it. But I’m still attached to wanting to be thin. I feel guilty about that. Do you still like me? Can I still be a part of your club? Am I ok???”The answer is, “Yes, you are human.” I know it’s hard to believe that there is a point of view where you can define your own standard of ‘perfection’; a point of view that is NOT based on comparisons or where someone else capitalizes on your feeling that you are not ENOUGH. And your skepticism makes sense because there is a paucity of places in our lives where we are allowed to just “be enough.” Even in places we assume would be guilt-free safe havens, turn out to be hot beds of comparisons, insecurity and feeling guilty about not “doing it” right. Take yoga for example. I used to take yoga. I lived on an ashram and everything. It was the most competitive environment I had ever been in! My poses weren’t “posy” enough, my gauzy drawstring pants weren’t gauzy enough and my mat was a towel. We were supposed to be going inward as we went downward dog; but a quick glance sideways inevitably revealed that everyone was looking at each other to see if they were stretching as far as the person next to them. I don’t want to digress and have people think I don’t love yoga. I do. (And there are fabulous exceptions thanks to yoga teachers out there like Anna Guest-Jelley, Curvy YogaTM. But for me, when yoga turned into X-TREME ASS-ANAS with the heat cranked up to 90 degrees and the sun salutation was done in fast forward…well let’s just say I didn’t want to be Jane Fucking Fondananda and feel the Bikram Burn*(see disclaimer). It got in my way of reaping the benefits from the practice. So enough with the guilt already!
- An inclusive movement means just that, INCLUSIVE! A size acceptance movement means just that, ALL sizes accepted.
- A self acceptance movement means that our goal is to accept ourselves and each other at every size, at any size.
- This does not mean you have to stay fat.
- This does not mean you have to love every minute of being fat.
- This does not mean you have to stay thin.
- This does not mean that you don’t have personal preferences.
- This does not mean that you don’t wish you could fit into your pre-menopausal weight gain clothing because you don’t have enough money to buy new clothes because you have to pay for your expenses to go to a conference and sell your book so you will have money to buy new clothes…(oooh, see how I made that all about me??)
- It especially does NOT mean that you should be bullied or ostrasized for being whatever size you are.